We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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