he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
