But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
