Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
