Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
