Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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