Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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