You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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