I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There's even glitter on my cock...
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