I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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