the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
