Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She bit a glass in half.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
