he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
