Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
