I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
