Already got asked if we're dating
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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