Cold hands, warm shart.
Me too!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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