after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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