hotel room ftw
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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