I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just cropdusted the office
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize