So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
