6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
