Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I did not marry a roomba.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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