you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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