Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
