That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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