I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
