This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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