no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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