YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
