Jerry, you need to find god
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
