Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize