It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I party with great urgency now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
