Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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