When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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