does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
