All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
