please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
