I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's shark week go big or go home
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
