Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
