So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
