New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
