Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
