apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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