I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We left an ass print on the piano.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
