i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize