I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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