are you so shy because you have an std?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
