nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
