Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
