I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
