SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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