If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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