Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
