I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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