I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
