if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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