So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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