Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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