Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
