I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize