You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
