last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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