he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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