I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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