Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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