***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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